Oh, hey there! Feel free to take a seat, grab some tea, some cake or cookies or fruits if you prefer.
I’m Bia (it’s strange being called Bia even though it’s my ‘normal’ nickname), and I am here to just BE.
What? Be who? Bee Movie? Yeah, no. I actually really just want to be myself even if I have no idea what the hell that really means.
The thing is – I have always been somewhat in a soul-searching – since I was little (I kid you not my younger self scares me sometimes), and I really don’t know where I am right now in this process.
WHO AM I WHERE I AM
I just graduated from college, I have no idea what I want to do with my life and the only thing I am certain is that I LOVE books and have aspirations to be a writer even though I doubt myself all the time. Well, let’s say I’m a little lost seed(A BEAUTIFUL ONE OK) traveling the vast sea of existence like everyone else. And I want to put everything that is inside me outside in the world(C’MON GUTS, WELCOME THE WORLD).
And to be honest, I have always been afraid, even if in an unconscious way, of doing this. I made myself invisible in little details, I stopped sharing my thoughts, my drawings, my feelings with the world. I got afraid of being judged, I lost the confidence in being who I am, in being me despite all. For you guys who like astrology and horoscope, I’m a gemini, moon in sagitarius, leo rising. One of my strong points should be communication (according to it), and I fail miserable because apparently I have some retrograde planet and YEAH. You get it. I have a deep need to communicate but a deep fear of doing so, and this have always been a problem for me. So ever since I was little I would write what I couldn’t say. I tried to hide myself in the internet, where I were less afraid. I tried to create at least seven blogs, two magazines and one newspaper on my younger days, but failed everytime.
AND YET HERE I AM AGAIN. I am taking a chance and trying AGAIN. YEAH. YOU CAN’T BEAT ME FAILURE. I WILL THRIVE.
I decided that I want to put myself out there, I want to SCREAM to the world, I want to dance to my own song and also to the song of the universe. I want to be unafraid of BEING, of sharing things I like, of living. I want to know who I want to be. And to do that I need to be vulnerable (that’s what the self-help texts say at least), and I thought that creating a blog and sharing my toughts and writings and my journey in LOSTLAND would help in this matter. (even If most of the time I think I have absolutly nothing worth sharing yes, shhh, let’s not talk about this right now)
My father usually says to me when I am afraid of doing something: “Bibi, there are two possibilities in this situation – failure or success -. You go in this already knowing you can fail, so why are you afraid? The only other possibility is success. You already have the ‘no’, so go try get the ‘yes’
I don’t know if this makes sense, but here I am, trying to get a yes out of whatever this is!
- I want to write stories
- I want to find my place in the world and do something meaningful
- I want to express myself and share things and be unafraid of doing so
- I want to be as authentic as I can
- I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE I AM AFRAID
- And I really want to create something consistent here, something I can be proud of.
There’s a line that I really like that goes “I fall down, I get up, meanwhile I keep dancing”. I guess it’s a bit of what I’m trying to do right now.
Overall I’m not very sure what to write here but welcome aboard! I hope you can join me in this adventure through lost and crazy seas!
And you? What you really want to do but are afraid of? Who you want to be?
And we can always share our ANGST. Feel free to rumble TvT
(also, sorry for the bee movie I’m really sorry)