Creation

There is a universe of beings inside of me and they struggle and fight and create chaos out of order and doubt out of not so certain beliefs
Those are the ‘dark part’, of course. Not bad, just not pleasant. At the end every shadow has a meaning and are there for a reason.

The light side is calmer, but sometimes I wonder if it is not actually dormant, as if waiting for its other half to deal with itself. Waiting waiting waiting.
“You need to learn how to untangle this, dear. Then we can wake.”

And then, in the middle of it all, there is this thing inside of me craving to be free, clawing, struggling, trying to find a way out. Wailing in agony.
“More more more” it says.
But it has no strength, no way to break the walls that bind it.
And I whisper and ask what can I do to help, I scream to them so they can follow my voice out.
We never find each other. We never meet.

The struggle continues, the claws create forms and words and drawings with blood. They try and fail and try and fail.
“Create create create”, I listen them crying out, as if asking for mercy.
They know they will die if they don’t reach surface.
I know they will die if I don’t get them out.
But we are both lost in this endless maze: paths everywhere, thousands of dead ends.

I wrote this while thinking about the agony that I feel when I want to create -something-, but just can’t find a way to bring it to life. It’s like a trapped butterfly in some kind of eternal metamorphosis, never actually reaching the outside world. Sometimes it can drive me crazy because it is such a deep feeling of struggle.

I hope someday I can break those walls and free all the creations.
For now I try.

And you? Have you ever felt something like this? Something inside you, so intrinsic and true to your soul, that needs to be created but you never seem to find a way to give it form? Tell me about it, how do you deal with all the endless paths and dead ends?

 

(Again, image by awesome Victo Ngai! You can see I really like her, right?)